Declaration of Incompetency

Setting: Chowning's Tavern, 1776

Henry: "Give me Bubble & Squeak or give me death!"

Mason: "Patrick, do sit down. Have you already forgotten that we are boycotting all British imports? I should daresay that Bubble & Squeak is about as British as it gets. Besides, you're making an utter fool of yourself."

Washington: "Yes, he's quite right, Patrick. You've spilled something all down the front of your trousers. There's a good lad, just sit down and straighten your cravat. We're nearly ready to begin."

Jefferson: "Let me see, let me see… When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to eat sausages and… no, no, no. When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to cut… snap… tear asunder the bands … no, the political bands…"

Henry: "…The political bands of Infamy and Tyranny! We shall rise up and smite all those who oppose us! We shall throw off the suffocating yoke of Villainy that is England! Down with the King! Down with the Empire! And down with ladies' stockings!"

Rabble Rousers: "Hup Hup Huzzah!!"

Washington: "Oh, now see what you've done, Jefferson? You've got him all worked up again. Patrick, calm yourself and sit down. Here, have a nice glass of punch."

Mason: {whispering} "George, do you really think that's a good idea?"

Washington: "Yes…. Yes, you're quite right, George. Patrick, give that glass to me."

Henry: "But it's so nice and fruity."

Mason: "Come along, now, Patrick. Put the drink down and sit like a good patriot."

Henry: "Pooh to you with nobs on!" {pouts}

Jefferson: "By George!"

Washington, Mason, Wythe: "Yes?"

Wythe: "Which George is he swearing by?"

Jefferson: "No, no… I think I've got it! Here, listen to this and tell me what you think. ~ahem~ 'When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with one another, and to assume among the powers of the earth that all cheeses are created equal, as well as all men, with the exception of those who are not upper middle class Caucasian land owners over the age of 18.' Be brutally honest."

Mason: {whispering} "Did he say cheese?"

Madison: "Yes… um… yes, well I think you've got a start there, Jefferson."

Washington: "Oh yes! Oh yes, the beginning is terribly good. It just needs a bit of reworking around the end."

Mason: "Did you say 'cheeses?'"

Jefferson: "What's wrong with that?"

Wythe: "Oh, nothing… nothing, my dear fellow. I think it's an excellent start. We'll just help you edit bits of it here and there."

Jefferson: "Well, alright, but I do think we ought to mention the cheese. It's tremendously important."

Washington: "Yes, er… yes, of course it is."

Henry: "Give me liberty or give me cheeses!"