Things People Say

These are actual things people have said to me in conversation recently that sound pretty funny when taken out of context:

(1) Aw, I love old drunk people! (Erin)

(2) It looks alright, but it smells like corn. (Greg)

(3) I'm looking at a goat with an extra leg growing out of its head. (my mother)

Sarabande

Bam!

Check this the hell out:

http://www.columbusalive.com/art/art.php?story=columbusalive/2006/0713/a-dance.html

This guy likes me! He even listed me BEFORE Kristina Isabelle! What's that about??

Liberté! Egalité! Osteopaté!

The place is Paris. The year is 1789. The day is July 14. The hour is close on 3 in the afternoon. The weather is hot but partially cloudy, highs reaching the mid to upper 90s. A seething mob of poor, ignorant, and under-nourished peasants crowd the ancient gates. Like flies to a rotting carcass, they swarm around the fortress of God and King, towering above them. Thirty-two Salis-Samade under Captain Deflue are certainly no match for the siege. A small mob attack, perhaps. But not this. For the first time, Le Marquis de Launay fears for his comfortable and well-sheltered life. The rabble will not be put down. They will not suffer under the seeming tyranny of an oppressive and overbearing government any longer!

A huge throng of the French National Guard now give up their posts to join the mob. Their numbers reach into the hundreds. The crowd is egged on by Pierre-Augustin Hulin, the Queen's laundry director. They are egged on by starvation. They are egged on by the rumors of government attack. They succeed in breaking into the arsenal and first courtyard. They hotly demand that the bridges be lowered. They are refused! De Launay sends a message to Hulin, threatening to blow the Bastille and everyone within its massive walls to Kingdom Come. A mere 20,000 pounds of gun-powder should do. The rabble shall not back down. There are prisoners within these walls, held captive by a tyrannical power! Mon Dieu, 7 whole men! 7 prisoners! Oh, the torment of it all! The vicious brutality! And one of them is a mad Irishman who cries to these people, his Roman subjects, to save him, their Caesar! No! They will not let DeWhitt perish here. Nor Jean de la Corrége, or the Count of Solages! Neither shall Bernard Laroche or Tavernier spend their days in the dank cells of this fortress prison! They must be free, and De Launay must be punished!

At last, the bridges are lowered. De Launay and his handful of men surrender to the chaotic crowd. But this is not a merciful time. The soldiers are paraded through the streets, captives of the Mob. But this is not enough. De Launay and many of the others must lose their heads! Brutally severed off and placed on pikes, they march through the Parisian streets with their ghastly trophy. This is victory! Let this be the just reward for tyrants and oppressors! Let this be a sign to the extravagant monarch. The crowd finds its way to the Hotel de Ville, next stop, Versailles! A bàs les aristos!

La Rochefoucauld-Liancourt rushes in breathlessly to inform His Majesty.

"Is this a revolt?" Louis asks.

"No, Sire, it is a Revolution."

All this leads me to ask… WHAT in the hell is it with Revolutions and the month of July? The heat? What? Were their buckled shoes too tight? Their trousers too short? Their wigs too stifling? WHAT? First the Americans, now the French. What next? The Canadians?? Eh?

****ing Banana Yellow Paint

This morning I came into class
and nearly got knocked on my ass
by the bright yellow paint
that would frighten a saint.
Who the hell do I have to harass??


Stupid dance department and their lack of taste!!!

Weirdness

Declaration of Incompetency

Setting: Chowning's Tavern, 1776

Henry: "Give me Bubble & Squeak or give me death!"

Mason: "Patrick, do sit down. Have you already forgotten that we are boycotting all British imports? I should daresay that Bubble & Squeak is about as British as it gets. Besides, you're making an utter fool of yourself."

Washington: "Yes, he's quite right, Patrick. You've spilled something all down the front of your trousers. There's a good lad, just sit down and straighten your cravat. We're nearly ready to begin."

Jefferson: "Let me see, let me see… When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to eat sausages and… no, no, no. When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to cut… snap… tear asunder the bands … no, the political bands…"

Henry: "…The political bands of Infamy and Tyranny! We shall rise up and smite all those who oppose us! We shall throw off the suffocating yoke of Villainy that is England! Down with the King! Down with the Empire! And down with ladies' stockings!"

Rabble Rousers: "Hup Hup Huzzah!!"

Washington: "Oh, now see what you've done, Jefferson? You've got him all worked up again. Patrick, calm yourself and sit down. Here, have a nice glass of punch."

Mason: {whispering} "George, do you really think that's a good idea?"

Washington: "Yes…. Yes, you're quite right, George. Patrick, give that glass to me."

Henry: "But it's so nice and fruity."

Mason: "Come along, now, Patrick. Put the drink down and sit like a good patriot."

Henry: "Pooh to you with nobs on!" {pouts}

Jefferson: "By George!"

Washington, Mason, Wythe: "Yes?"

Wythe: "Which George is he swearing by?"

Jefferson: "No, no… I think I've got it! Here, listen to this and tell me what you think. ~ahem~ 'When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with one another, and to assume among the powers of the earth that all cheeses are created equal, as well as all men, with the exception of those who are not upper middle class Caucasian land owners over the age of 18.' Be brutally honest."

Mason: {whispering} "Did he say cheese?"

Madison: "Yes… um… yes, well I think you've got a start there, Jefferson."

Washington: "Oh yes! Oh yes, the beginning is terribly good. It just needs a bit of reworking around the end."

Mason: "Did you say 'cheeses?'"

Jefferson: "What's wrong with that?"

Wythe: "Oh, nothing… nothing, my dear fellow. I think it's an excellent start. We'll just help you edit bits of it here and there."

Jefferson: "Well, alright, but I do think we ought to mention the cheese. It's tremendously important."

Washington: "Yes, er… yes, of course it is."

Henry: "Give me liberty or give me cheeses!"

The Dispossessed

Spinning Beach Ball of Death

Mac users... you know what I'm talking about!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things I've learned about wine:

1) Never ever play "beer pong" with wine

2) Never ever, under any circumstances, should you mix red and white wine

3) Never ever drink wine with a straw


Ah, a first-class graduate level college education. You can't beat it!